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Parenting Your Teenager: The Law of Consequences

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I'm about to speak in general, which is always risky, and I'm going to do it anyway.

For parents, in general, punishment is about venting our own anger at a situation or person. It doesn't teach much about the real world.

Consequences teach teens about the real world. A consequence is a result of what they did.

For a consequence to have it's best effect and to best teach about the real world, it needs to have the following six features: related, reasonable, respectful, swift, short-term and strong enough to get the attention of teens.

Let's take a brief and closer look at each of these six criteria:

1. Reasonable - "You are grounded for life!" is not a reasonable consequence, for teen or parent. "You have lost the privilege of using the car next weekend because you came an hour late" is a reasonable consequence.

2. Respecitful - You want them to feel bad about what they did not about who they are.

3. Related - The consequence needs to be related in some way to the rule broken. This helps teach causea and effect.

4. Swift - The consequence needs to come as possible after the rule is broken.

5. Strong - The consequence needs to be strong enough to get the attention of the teen.

6. Short-term - The teen needs to have an opportunity to better next time as soon as possible as well.

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Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.