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 Child Raising Discipline—Problem Child Solved!Read about "Child Raising Discipline—Problem Child Solved! " on parentingfact.com. This article, "Child Raising Discipline—Problem Child Solved! ", will help you with your questions or concerns. We parentingfact.com, have a large number of updated articles. Please feel free in searching for more information on parentingfact.com. If you have any questions, please contact us.
What is the most frequently asked question about child-raising? Discipline! Problem children can leave parents baffled, bewildered and burned out. Parents
often attempt to lay down the law, but they experience varying degrees of
success. “What’s the most effective punishment?” parents want to know. Some even ask,
“How can I show my kid that I’m boss?” Unfortunately, these are the parents who
are frustrated time again when their child, after receiving punishment,
retaliates even more or continually performs the same misbehavior that drives
their parents nuts! Why is it that some discipline doesn’t seem to work? Punitive Discipline Leads to Greater Problems There is a discipline dilemma that is rampant across the nation. Yet, most
parents don’t even know it really exists. Have you ever attempted to deal with a
problem child or problem behavior only to have to deal with it again and again?
Punitive discipline tends to only teach our children to not get caught next
time! This dilemma is created by the following pattern: Parents’ preferred modus operandi for child-raising: Discipline. Problem: Child acts out in overt and covert ways the more frequently and harshly
they are disciplined. Is there a way to discipline that motivates children to actually want to be well
behaved? Fortunately, there is. There is hope! Using Consequences to Your Benefit It’s a simple, well-known law of nature: every action has a reaction—a
consequence. And consequences can be one of the most powerful discipline tools
you can use to encourage positive behavior in your children. There are two basic kinds of consequences that are most helpful to moms and
dads. These are: 1. Divine Intervention Consequences—Commonly known as “natural
consequences,” these consequences occur when Mother Nature is allowed to step in
and take her course without interference. Some examples include: • Your child is cold after deciding not to wear his jacket. • Your child is hungry because she forgot her lunch. • Your child is tired because he decided to stay up reading late last night. 2. Commonsense Consequences—Also known as “logical consequences,” this
type of consequence requires an intervention by you that is fair, kind and
reasonable. The litmus test to ensure that a consequence makes common sense is
to ask yourself, “If I applied this to a friend, would it seem reasonable to
them?” Some examples include: • Turning the TV off if the kids are fighting over which show they want to
watch. • Having your child clean up the mess she made. • Taking your child immediately out of the bath when he is splashing water all
over the bathroom. Be Kind With Your Consequences It’s easy to fall into the trap of using consequences as punishment, especially
with a child who frequently acts up. But as I discuss on pages 136–137 of my
book When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You,
it’s important that your consequences are kind and respectful. Keep these steps in mind when using consequences: 1. Choose a “commonsense consequence” that is related to your child’s
behavior—Grounding and taking away privileges are sometimes unrelated to the
misbehavior. If your child is interrupting, forgets to do her chores, or has a
temper tantrum in front of his friends, how does taking away TV time help? If
your consequence is unrelated, a power struggle is likely to ensue. Instead,
keep the consequence related to the misbehavior at hand. 2. Prepare your child for the commonsense consequence—Give your children
fair warning, but only once. Respectfully tell them what you have decided to do,
but don’t remind them every five minutes. Nagging never gets results. 3. Follow through with the consequence—Do what you said you were going to
do. This is not the time for reminders, hints or “second chances.” Chances only
teach our children to not listen to us the first, second, and sometimes even the
third time! 4. Evaluate—Be open to making small changes after you have experimented
with it for at least one month. The key to success is that you stay kind, firm
and consistent. Talk with Your Feet Following through with consequences doesn’t require a lot of talk. Instead, I
encourage parents to let their feet do most, if not all, of the talking. What do
I mean by this? Often, when parents are following through on a consequence, they will justify it
or explain. Such justifications include: 1. I told you I was going to ________ if you did _________. 2. The reason you have to do __________ is because you did __________. 3. If you had done ___________ like I asked you to, you wouldn’t have to do
____________. Instead of justifying or explaining, just take action. “Talk with your feet” by
following through with the consequence, no explanations needed. As the old
saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words,” and this is nowhere more true
than in the realm of parenting. Focus on the Benefits Once you’ve eliminated the nagging, you can encourage positive behavior by
focusing on the benefits of such behavior. This is perhaps one of the top parenting tools of the trade. All that is
required is awareness of your children’s general daily routine—and what parts of
that routine they like most. For instance, if you want your children to clean up the game they were just
playing, and yet you know they are already thinking about the next thing in
their schedule—listening to their favorite music—you might say something like,
“Before you go and enjoy your music, you get to put the game away.” (As a side note, notice the use of “get to” rather than “have to.” Try to keep
your tone positive, and you’ll reap positive results!) It’s pretty much guaranteed that your children will say, “Can’t we clean up
later?” Simply continue to focus on the benefit. “The quicker you clean up, the
quicker you will be able to enjoy your music.” Always Stay Positive When parenting gets rough, it’s very tempting to come down harder and harder
each time your child misbehaves. Yet it is important, especially with problem
children, to encourage your children in good behavior, not discourage them with
constant nagging. A good balance of commonsense consequences and focusing on the
benefits will yield wonderful rewards. Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here. You are free to print or publish this article provided the article and bio remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above. © 2005 UltimateParent.com. All rights reserved. Article Sour
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