Web parentingfact.com

 

Bad Behaviour Bites

Read about "Bad Behaviour Bites " on parentingfact.com. This article, "Bad Behaviour Bites ", will help you with your questions or concerns. We parentingfact.com, have a large number of updated articles. Please feel free in searching for more information on parentingfact.com. If you have any questions, please contact us.

 

In amongst the latest television rage of displaying our children’s worst behaviour for all to see and then having a real, live expert come and fix it, I’ve noticed a new sort of expert emerging.

These are the people who watch these programs – particularly those who do not have children or those who had them so long ago they can’t remember the day to day living, stress and sleep deprivation. And for me, these people have become even more annoying than those who used to give their (unsolicited) advice at the supermarket. Now, instead of disapproving stares, or little cluck-clucking sounds with the tongue, I’ve been asked specifically – "have you been watching Supernanny?"

My response is always the same – a polite smile and a tight ‘on the odd occasion’ sentence.

But here’s my problem. Most of these people are observing one of my children in particular. And, this child – oh so precious, but oh so hard work – functions differently than most children. He is not actually being naughty; it’s just that he struggles to make sense of the world. It is far too easy to sit back and judge other people’s children and how their parents are coping with any given situation.

What we fail to observe is who this child is! And that their parents will know them better than anyone else in the world. Sure, what these television programs do is highlight a child and their family and then give specific strategies for dealing with it. But these do not work on all children.

Some children are different. Okay, all children are different, but there are a great many who function and live in a non-conventional way.

Who are these children?

Well, to begin with, there are our highly gifted children. I’m not talking about ‘bright’ children, who do well in school and are very often all-rounders. I’m talking about those (relatively few) children who are incredibly advanced in certain areas in their thinking.

These children are often highly emotional children, children who will argue their point with their parents and are often non-conformist in their behaviour. They won’t do something just because everyone else is.

So, to the observer, the parent battling a six year old who is throwing a tantrum in the middle of a shopping centre has a badly behaved child. To the parent who is right there, the child who is incredibly emotionally intense has just witnessed a parent swear at their toddler and give them a whack on the legs. The gifted child literally feels this very deeply because it is an insult to their high sense of justice.

Our gifted children are emotionally sensitive. Whether feelings are high or low, they are feeling them in a child’s body – an often express these feelings as a child would.

Inappropriate? Need to start watching the ‘fix-your-child-shows’?

NO!

Ok, so the gifted kids are one end of the spectrum. There’s another sort of child that doesn’t conform either. This child lies on the autism spectrum.

Here again, these children can be intensely emotional, and react to situations (particularly unfamiliar ones) with screaming, crying and hurting – themselves and/or those around them – sometimes the things around them.

The number of people being diagnosed within this spectrum grows each year as more is learned about it. And while when many people think of autism they think of something ‘obvious’, the children at the other end of the scale (high functioning autism, aspersers syndrome or PDD-NOS) the symptoms are not so readily observable.

So, out in the supermarket, you may observe a child throwing a tantrum, never realizing that this child is reacting intensely from a nice lady who patted him on the head and told him what a nice boy he was. This particular child despises being touched, and reacts accordingly.

Is this child worthy of judgement? Should we rush out and watch TV for help?

NO!

Giftedness and autism are but two of the many, many inborn reasons why a child may not be behaving ‘appropriately’. I haven’t even mentioned ADD, ADHD, Williams syndrome, Angelman syndrome or Rett syndrome. These are all silent backgrounds to any child you don’t know.

But in the end, let’s face it. . . There are a number of reasons why any particular child on any particular day will react as we don’t expect. YOU may know that your child was awake very early, YOU may know that your child doesn’t like bright lights and noises, YOU may know that they are exhausted and so YOU act as you best see fit.

You know what anyone staring or clucking does not.

That’s why you’re the parent, and they are not.

So, to all those who judge and disapprove, or imagine how much better they would do it than the parent in the throes of bad behaviour – back off, save it for your own child and give the parent a break!

A1Dog - Training With Heart & Soul. - Outstanding Dog Training & Behaviour Manuals For Real Dogs And Their Owners.
Abc Coaching And Counselling Services. - Jim Byrne, Counselling Psychologist. For professional help with emotional, behavioural and relationship problems.

Marilynn McLachlan http://www.generationxparenting.com Cynical, Creative, Conscious. Giving a voice to modern families. Join today!